The Art of Doing Absolutely Nothing: A Lazy Writer’s Guide to Medium Mastery (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Auto-Royalty)

Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash

Let’s get real, folks. We’ve all dreamt of it: making money while wearing pajamas, battling writer’s block with a well-timed nap. But what if I told you…that dream is achievable? Welcome to the dark (yet surprisingly lucrative) side of Medium, where keyboard warriors are armed with nothing but auto-royalty and an arsenal of expertly placed listicles.

I know, I know. The purists out there are clutching their Moleskins in horror. Writing should be about pouring your soul onto the digital page, right? Crafting masterful prose that moves, that shakes, that compels readers to fling their credit card info at the screen in gratitude for such profound wordsmithing.

But sometimes, friends, a writer’s gotta hustle. And by “hustle” I mean “reheat yesterday’s pizza while brainstorming SEO-optimized titles that practically write themselves.” Titles like:

• 3 Unexpected Ways to Fold Laundry (Hint: #3 Will Change Your Life)
• You Won’t Believe What Happened When I Gave My Cat a Haircut
• I Tried Eating Only Kale for a Week and Here’s What My Therapist Said